Thursday, September 28, 2006

Street spirit

The new regime seems to be bearing fruit at last. The food going in is having a benefit on my body. I feel better generally and have more energy.
with getting up at early to go to the gym I'm knackered by 10pm and that means I'm getting 8 hours sleep.
The 8th is getting nearer and my training has stepped up a gear. I think I'm going to do ok, defiantly better than 60 minutes.

One thing which really made me laugh this week was my best pal cracking a joke about us seeing a young baby in the ivf clinic. It was the first time we had been back since the bad news and my pal said "it must have been like - here's what you could have won, unlucky take it away boys" just like a game show host who teases a contestant who has come up short.

We are awaiting the Karyotype results however the misses has already got dates penciled in and the Prostrap injection could be in less than 30 days.

It is still very difficult mentally having to talk about IVF every day.
******************************************it wears me out.

Friday, September 22, 2006

(not so) Brave little soldier

Had some blood taken for the Karyotype test at the clinic this afternoon.
Like most men I'm a fainter when it comes to needles, but it all went very quickly and the nurse was great.

Going into the clinic we were confronted with a women and her child. Then there on the counter top was an advert for a book called 'miracle babies'. Sat down in the waiting area and on the table was a publication called something like 'Pregnancy monthly' with a special animated guide to hormones. So 3 things not to make me feel so cheerful. Anyway the sample is on its way, we are £160 lighter and the traffic on the way out of London was shocking.

On the brightside it looks likely we can begin our second attempt sooner rather than later. This means that in about 30ish days the misses can have the Prostrap injection. If all goes to plan we might have a result before Christmas.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


The title sounds like a power struggle from Ulster in the 70's don't it?

Well according to the Health Secretary, you are supposed to have a 'free' shot of IVF on the NHS.
Obstruction No 1:
Our PCT (Primary Care Trust) does not seem to have a policy on IVF or waiting list or any information about a waiting list or any information about information about a waiting list.
The Doc's were pretty apologetic about this (they seem to be apologising quite a bit when it comes to IVF)
Obstruction No 2:
If you decide to go alone with your first treatment then you revoke your right to have a shot second time round.

I needed this Karyotype test doing from a blood sample and was given a letter from our IVF specialist explaining what was required. I duely went to my GP who informed me that there are only 5 or 6 nationally based centres that can carry out genetic blood testing. If he referred me for a test at such centre this could take 8-12 weeks.
It's easy to knock the NHS but all I need from them is a fucking blood test and that is complicated. The Doc apologised (again), explained that I could have this immediately if I went privately and wished me well. Thanks for fuck all (again).

So back to the clinic on Friday for a blood test. The only good news is that it will cost £100 not £250 as my GP indicated.

Oh I got up at 6.15 and went to the gym yesterday, at last. 3 weeks before the 10k have I left it too late?

Monday, September 18, 2006

Week 1

The crushing experience of a failed IVF treatment hit me in waves this week. It comes and goes with amazing degrees of frustration, anger and disappointment. Above all though by reading other blogs I'm still encouraged and am always saying to the misses that you can not loose HOPE.
I'm really good at dishing out advice but not so good at applying my so called pearls of wisdom to my own way of thinking. Hopefully sobriety will enable me to take a good look at how I tick and adjust my timing accordingly to get back on track on the happy train. The misery bus looks to have left town at the moment.

I have to have a blood test tomorrow, I really hate seeing my own blood and hope I can stop being such a jessie.
If the results come back good regarding the 'chromothing' then we can hopefully start again in November/December.

So this is my update after 1 week:

One week gone and ZERO units consumed. Went away at the weekend on a stag night which was a real test. Now the fella I went with are not exactly known as drinking legends however the evening started at 4.30 and I went to bed sober at 2.30am.
Felt OK not at all tetchy like when I stopped smoking. Good start.

Not doing as well as I'd have liked but cut down on most shit. The fridge is full on Vegetables and I cooked a couple of mean veg curries which is a start. The multi vitamins are going down the neck OK and the food in the fridge and fruit bowl is full of anti-oxidants which should do my sperm count a favor.

Still not doing enough. Start morning training from tomorrow.

The vital statistics
Weight 110kg (294lb) - No change from last week.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


I know I shouldn't be moaning but I have replaced my toxic heartburn with a shocking headache. The anti-oxi-whatsists are clearly doing the job.

I need to take a blood test so that the clinic can check for chromsomal abnormalities. This is called a Karyotype test. Dunno when I'm going to fit it in over the next few days, but we are determined to start again as soon as possible.
The real panic is if we don't start soon then I won't be able to have a beer on my birthday or at christmas/new year. Sounds stupid I know but it'll drive me mental as everyone gets hammered over the christmas period.
I felt like this when I first stopped smoking, wondering how i'd cope going on holiday with a ciggie but that don't bother me anymore so who knows.

It might just all be alright after all.

Monday, September 11, 2006

A bit of history, some lazy swimmers and roast dinners.

When we first found out we would need fertility treatment a couple of years back it didn't really hit me that hard at first. The misses was crushed but glad that she could stop feeling that there was something wrong with her. I just still didn't get it and when I did, well if you've been in that situation then you know.

There is still a lot of information missing here about the history and I hope to be able to be honest with myself and fill them in as we go along.
Cutting a long story short
So in April this year we finally settled on a clinic we were happy with, made contact and went for the initial consultation.
I was paralyzed with terror (whilst the misses had a note book so full of questions that would make Jeremy Paxman proud) I sat dumb, scared and at the same time tried to remember that there was two of us going through this process.

There were many visits to clinic over the next 3 months culminating the one last Friday to discuss why this cycle of IVF/ICSI did not work out for us.

It turns out that there is a possibility my sperm count could be increased by lifestyle changes, so this is what I must do. My lazy swimmers will need a great deal of help as will I.

******************The 90 Day Plan*********************

Stopped my 20 a day habit 6 months ago, stopped coughing in May and do feel quite a bit better. Loved smoking and felt I was very good at it. Giving up was tough.

Ok, here is the thing, stopped smoking and began to drink twice the amount as before. Again very good at drinking but I have decided to knock it on the head for 3 months. An average of 50 units a week will be reduced to zero.

Out goes no breakfast, cheese toasties at 10pm and finishing off any food the misses decides to leave on her plate.
In comes hemp seeds, 4 litres of water a day and plenty of fruit.

Need to 'up my game'. I have a 10K run on October 8th in London which I want to complete in under an hour. So we have a starting point and this is the first goal.

The vital statistics
Weight 110kg (294lb)
Other measurements to follow.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

So this is what I need to do....

"When we say that the embryologist had difficulty in finding good sperm, this is an understatement. For a while there we were very worried"

Suddenly it hit me. All at once, like being woken in the middle of the night.
We had emotionally invested so much in the ICSI treatment that did not work out for us and to hear those words made me remember what it felt like when I was first told we would need help.
You see like so many others I think I'd be a good dad. Infact I'd like to think that Mr Blue Sky would be the perfect dad with the perfect wife.

This blog is being written not for ego but for the hope that I stay focused and work towards achieving my goal. I hope to open up my feelings to myself for possibly the first time as blogging is cheaper than proper therapy.

Tomorrow the real hard work begins. I always think that I get the most out of each day and that I give everything my best shot. The next 90 days will see if I'm a bullshitter or not.