I need a trip to Fun Land

Working between Christmas and New Year is a waste of time.

I can't even muster the enthusiasm to look for another job. I'd rather be having a walk with the misses and the dog or sinking pints in a pub with my brother.

The warm Christmas memories will hopefully remain long enough into the new year to beat off that feeling of hate I have for January. It is a strange thing to have a massive dislike for a month but it never brings anything good. Everyone has a dark misery cloud over their heads for the entire month, everyone is skint, the weather is shite and all I look forward to is the FA Cup third round.

We have our first scan next Friday and I can only hope that everything is alright. The misses is feeling pretty queezy most of the time but in truth we have no idea how things are progressing.

We are just hopeful.

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.

~Benjamin Franklin

May you all have a very Happy New Year xx

Have yourself a merry little christmas

May your heart be light.



May I wish everybody a very merry christmas.

Paul x

Learn to fly

Feeling festive if little tired. My job is getting me down and I'm looking forward to the few days off at Christmas.
I have been doing my best to help the misses remain comfortable and stress free.

I have learnt the following things that I should already know but 'cos I'm a bloke its new to me:

• I actually now know that the different washing machine settings really do mean something.
• I know that the mass of cleaning products under the sink are plenty and there a great many things to remember when you cleaning different rooms.
• I know that I'm no expert and I miss a few things.
• I know that I had no idea how hard work it is keeping a home as well as doing a job.
• I know that it keeps getting dirty as soon as you have finished cleaning.
• I know I'm going to have to continue this for some time

In bloom

Finally I have five minutes to download my brain after an eventful few days.

Friday - initial hysteria and disbelief carried us through the day and into the evening, jaw ache from smiling and just a couple of glasses of Verve Cliquot in the company of some friends topped the day off very nicely.

Saturday - Another test another (stronger) line wow it really is happening. It was my birthday this weekend and I had pre arranged with my brother an afternoon out at the rugby. Before coming onto that afternoon/evening/next morning we had some visitors.

The misses brother moved to Wales in the summer with his wife their two beautiful daughters.
This weekend they were staying at the MIL's and we spent the morning there catching up and playing with the girls. Everyone was so delighted with our news and really pleased for us both. It was great not to have to have 'those' thoughts. (By 'those' I mean the bad ones)
The misses stayed with them all day and enjoyed the fun and games you have with a 2 and 4 year old.
Meanwhile I went out with my brother on the train to the match (acting like a pair of 8 year olds) chatting, laughing and generally being boys. I hadn't felt this relaxed for such a long time.
We had trouble getting to the stadium and the queues for the shuttle bus went on for miles. We ended up chatting to a bus driver who's route sort of went near the stadium and I persuaded 40-50 people that I knew where I was going and if the wanted to get to the game on time they should follow me!! We did make 10 minutes into the game and a good crowd of 17,000 were in full voice and my team was winning. Our team were playing a much stronger side and we had not even hoped to get near them let alone beat them comfortably. More beer, more chatting to the lads from Ulster another cab ride, another pub, more beer, cab ride home, fall into bed 3.30am.

Sunday (Birthday; 32 and already had the best present ever!)- Ouch. I knew I'd booked a hangover and here it was.
The girls came over to our house and helped me open my gifts and blew out the candles on my cake. When they left all I managed to do was lay on the couch all day with the misses but it was perfect. We did another test and kept grinning.

Monday - Off to work (man I'm having a tough time even with the good news each day is just a constant battle) then off to the clinic in the afternoon for the blood test. The blood went to the lab and the results came in this morning: HCG level322 (14dp3dt) which is very good news. We have a scan booked for 5th Jan ( 7 weeks) which will be our last visit to the clinic before we are handed over to the good old NHS. Spent the afternoon at me Ma's house and loved it as she phoned the rest of the family and her friends to let them know.


We have been so very touched by peoples kindness. Family and friends and people we don't know have expressed kind wishes.
The blog community has proved very important to us and I never dreamed that I would find such hope, inspiration, information, warmth, positivity and friendship as genuine and sincere as I have. As we both have.
Thank you all so very much, with much love
Paul and Amanda xx

"F*** me, there are two lines"

Woohoo!!

Woke up this morning at 6.33 after not really sleeping very well and in the most unromantic moment we've ever had in our bed asked "do you need to go to the toilet yet?"

The misses in the the bathroom and shouts "F*** me there are two lines".

It was true, I never expected it to actually work but it's bloody true.

Phoned the Mum's, who were naturally delighted, held it together with a dose of realism. You know the convesation - "early days, blood test Monday, it's only 99% accurate etc"

Got in the car and burst into tears after 2 minutes.

So delighted.
I changed the words a little to Bob Dylan's Tangled up in blue:

Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',

I was layin' in bed

Wond'rin' if she'd peed at all

If her stick had turned pink!!

गणेश

May Ganesh, the god of good fortune, be with you all.

Namaste

I just don't know what to do with myself

Mmmm, Okay, alright, yeah not bad, oh you know, good thanks, fine, average, how are you?

All answers to the question that greets you more times than you care to remember in a day. People have asked about my well being over 30 times today. Only 2 or 3 actually were interested in the response.
Why do you bother asking people how they are? Common courtesy I suppose and I've never really gauged the reaction with so much interest before. We are all guilty though of not really giving a shit if someone you work with is going through the mill or is on top of the world.

Truth is I have no idea how I feel. I have been very busy in my job (working stupid hours so far this week) and things are not to clever with the project I am running. However it has kept my mind off the dreaded wait for long patches of time. My misses has been really struggling and we speak 5 or 6 times a day to check up on each other. This is also not the normal pattern. I really don't know what to do, we really don't know what to do.

Also there has been some possible good news from blog buddies which has really turned things upside down. Do we do a test yet? Dare we do a test yet? That was a rhetorical question by the way, please don't make it harder for us!! - Good luck girls we are thinking of you.

We have the old blood test booked for Monday afternoon. Tick bloody tock.

I was sent this by a collegue who was trying give me some inspiration as my project decends into a big pile of wet elephant shit:

perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim
-Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you.

Utter bollocks.

Try Not To Breathe

This time last year I was in Nepal climbing a few hills and eventually getting to a peak of 4100m (nearly 14,000 feet). Now, if I thought that trekking in the Himalaya was tough, I was wrong.

Nepal is a fantastic country, we visited during a cease fire and were trekking in a part of the country that was overrun by Maoist rebels however, our trek leaders had planned ahead and written to the head honchos. We had been granted a safe passage through the mountains and we're guaranteed a stress free stroll in the foothills of the highest peaks on planet earth. We we're unaware of this (typical tourists) however I had been following the political situation with some interest and thought that we may meet some freedom fighters on our travels. If truth be told I was actually very keen on meeting these people, as long as no one was going to point an AK47 at me or my Mum. Oh I forgot to say that I did this trek with me Ma.
Any way all we really had to do on this once in a lifetime experience was walk. We had sherpa’s to carry the baggage, tents, food, etc.

I fell in love with the county and the people but most of all this experience made me realise just how fucking lucky I am to be me. More importantly I taught me just how fortunate I am to be able to have choices in life.

This 2WW is really getting to me. My Misses has been amazing, not a single whinge. She has been really unwell since the egg collection but has not complained once. It kills me to see her hurting physically.
In many ways it is a piece of piss for us fellas, we’ve done our bit and are allowed to get on with our usual patterns. After the last attempt at IVF we are more prepared for things not to go our way.
It still really hurts though to see her not at 100% and every time she twinges I am immediately concerned. All we can do is wait………

River Deep, Mountain High

Hello world. This is the first drunk post.
It's really unfair how I can now do whatever I want and get drunk whilst the misses has to keep it together.

I honestly did not expect to have other people reading my blog and feel that I may have changed my style of blogging since I became aware that there is an excellent support network of people I have never met, but who really understand what me and the Misses are going through.

So on behalf of the Misses and I, a heartfelt thank you is in order. We read your blogs with interest and it has had such a big impact on our lives that we are both eager to chat about your posts and wish you all the very best in your IVF adventures.
You are all in our thoughts and anyone who is going through this process has our sincere best wishes.

Partnership is the key to keeping sane in my experience, so here is how I feel expressed by words I can never put together:

Do I love you my oh my
River deep, mountain high
If I lost you would I cry
Oh how I love you baby, baby, baby, baby

-Performed by Ike And Tina Turner

- Written by Ellie Greenwich, Jeff Barry, and Phil Spector